The Mystique* Of Youth Is Gone

I've been to L.A. probably 25 times in my life. 24 of those times were kind of lame. But only because I was there for random things like buying a car or doing an internship at a hip-hop station (???). But then Cory and I had the tingling of a midlife crisis coming on so we drove there on a Monday night to go to Conan. I don't want to ruin the surprise ending but the surprise ending is this: we are way too old to be driving all night for things.

We stayed at the Roosevelt. Which is really fun when you drive up and all the paparazzi jump to attention but then they see that it's just another case of two 30-somethings trying to prove to themselves they can still be fun people and driving an early century station wagon. Sit down boys, nothing to see here....





These doors look ominous. Like through these doors is where teen stars go when they turn 24 and are all washed up and mined for spare parts to sell to a rich lady in Beverly Hills.
The hotel's artwork is comprised of narratives by a famous paparazzi. Smooth move Roosevelt. Because I'm not sure which side you're on: the teenage stars that party here or the paparazzi that stalk them. I think you're on the side of that desperate churning fame machine and all of its parts. That machine that makes us all win!



Yes, I've been watching Toddlers and Tiaras. And if nothing else, it has taught me the correct moves to "sparkle" for the judges. And if I can "sparkle" my way to a supreme title, my dad will love me. That show should probably be illegal for breaking 34.5 domestic, international, and God's laws.

Cory just naturally "sparkles" even when he's not trying.



Well LA, you're a pretty great town. We'll come back soon, if you'll have us. But this time we'll need to stay more than 16 hours because that's just too hard on our old bones. Also, Amber and the Bowens: pencil us in for a taco date.

*Not referring to Jenn Cook's "Sweet Mystique" Fragrance for the Discerning Lady. (TM 2010).